Reason # 1: Minds Without Borders has a satire section, and it needs me!

Reason #2: I communicate like Miss Piggy. How can Miss Piggy, or anything, tangentially related to Jim Henson be bad?

Reason #3: I have Tony Stubblebine privilege.

Reason #4: I don't know how to spell privilege without spell check after 20+ years in the social services and education field.

Reason #5: This was the listicle you've been waiting for all your life. The other 2,256,412 weren't as good.

Reason #6: You realized that "Victor Cardenas" on Medium is the very same Victor Cardenas that needs a timely lesson in humility.