I. His defense, the tariffs on coffin shopping are outrageous these days! Gone are the days of just slipping through the woods by torchlight in a horse-drawn carriage manned by your human servant.

Now vampires have to ship themselves via DHL and the "D" doesn't stand for "dhampir", "Dana", or "Dracula"! And they ALWAYS throw the package, which doesn't work out for 400 year-old coffin wood.

Yup, that must be the reason.