Victor Cardenas – Medium

Victor Cardenas

he/him

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Published in
The Pub

Expert Advice on The Perfect Escalator Pitch

If de glove fits, wear it

Nov 12

Mustached man with alien shirt looking down as an escalator goes up. A pitchman lies in wait in the background.

Nov 12

Pinned

Published in
The Shortform

From Russia to Me With Love…

Actually — hard pass on the rubles

Nov 4

From Russia to Me With Love…

Nov 4

Pinned

Published in
Write Under the Moon

I Don’t Believe in Unconditional Love

Reciprocal love with boundaries is the right mentality

Oct 20

I Don’t Believe in Unconditional Love

Oct 20

Pinned

Published in
Said Differently

Your Credit Card Balance Should Be Displayed Above You

Consumption would look a lot different

Oct 13

Image of several pedestrians with negative and positive debt balances above them.

Oct 13

Pinned

Published in
MuddyUm

I Don’t Need a Second Kidney

But you do and I’ve got one for sale

Jul 14

A hand holding a kidney

Jul 14

Published in
Doctor Funny

The Election is Over — Now Pass the Candied Yams

Liberals Need to get off their high horses and reach across the holiday table instead of shedding crocodile tears this season

2d ago

Alice Smith stands with arms folded. Her Thanksgiving checklist is superimposed next to her.

2d ago

Published in
MuddyUm

How I Got Through November 5

Don’t try this at home — unless you possess incredible hand-to-eye coordination and a great mirror

Nov 8

Photo of author in the outpatient surgical suite

Nov 8

Published in
The Haven

Tech Billionaires Want To Create a New City in the San Francisco Bay Area

The masses are asinine — I’m all for California Forever

Oct 7

Tip screen for California Forever. It reads “veni vidi vici”

Oct 7

Published in
The Memoirist

My First Bullies Taught Me How to Protect My Son

A lesson learned 25 years later.

Oct 5

My First Bullies Taught Me How to Protect My Son

Oct 5

Published in
Doctor Funny

In Defense of Jizz

2023 didn’t go as planned, but I’m making peace with it and moving forward

Sep 25

Space aliens playing their greatest hits.

Sep 25

Victor Cardenas

Victor Cardenas

he/him

Friend of Medium

Top 'Sasstire' and humor writer. Hater of pickles. Mentioned in someone else's book. Investigator. Proof history is written by Victors.

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